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"And when you leave us," you ask me, "where will we go to find you?"

When I'm gone, I will come back to you in a myriad of things. From my flesh there will be grass, from my bones there will be trees. I will be there in the earth, in the sunshine, in the sea. Countless grains of me will tango with the snowflakes in the wind, mingling with your hair, caressing your skin. The butterfly that grazed your fingertip, that is where I will be. The deer that escaped from the corner of your vision, that too was me. I will be at the edge of the sky and at the corners of the earth. Look, and you will find me here, there, and everywhere.

"But we call out to you," you say, "yet you do not respond."

Hush. Do you hear the swooshing gentle waves? That is my murmur. And the whispering leaves as they sway? That is my calling back to you. My voice may be wordless and I may no longer speak your language, but the sound I make will resonate with the strumming of your heartstrings. Call my name and you will hear a myriad of songs, a chorus of responses, all of which is me saying to you,

"Hey, I was never gone."
A fleeting thought, inspired by today's DD: [link]
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:iconxanthiab:
Inspired by a DD, Here, and everywhere by justMANGO is an extremely interesting piece, with its unique point of view, vivid sensory imagery, and extraordinary mix of poignant tragedy and playful humor; oh, my goodness. Where to start?

Let me start at the beginning, in an attempt to muddle through this critique with my own clumsy interpretation (and I wouldn't be surprised to find it quite wrong).

Here, and everywhere begins with a first-person narrative point of view, and while this is quite familiar, it soon moves onto the writer addressing the reader as "you". This immediately engages the reader, and pulls in their attention; then the next phrase, a "myriad of things", brings to mind the image of tangled and intricate matters.

Then the sensory imagery begins, with descriptions from the deviant that are touched with a hint of wistfulness. The use of the word "tango" is cleverly added to add positive connotations to the piece, but the image of the narrator alone at the "edge of the sky and at the corners of the earth" brings a sense of melancholy to the reader.

The unique point of view is once again brought into play with the quotations in the middle of the piece, and the narrator interacts with the reader via the paragraph after, which emphasizes a sense of surrealism.

"Hey, I was never gone" is the last line, and adds the perfect touch of playfulness, wrapping up the piece perfectly. A well-written, well-thought-out piece, and one that is infinitely more expressive in its coherent, concise lines than it would be in a long and poetic piece.
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
2 out of 2 deviants thought this was fair.

The Artist has requested Critique on this Artwork

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:iconthebandbrony:
TheBandBrony Featured By Owner Jun 1, 2013  Student Writer
I get hung up on the line, "Do you hear the swooshing gentle waves? That is my murmur." Was whoever the narrator talked to simply not trying hard enough to hear it? If the speaker is God, the faithful aren't faithful enough--if the speaker is a lover, their other isn't loving enough. Trapped within this thoughtful line is a darker undertone, a casual mumble under the tongue breathed in passive-aggression. It speaks to the benevolence of the narrator.
Reply
:iconjustmango:
justMANGO Featured By Owner Jun 4, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
I like this interpretation of yours. Quite refreshing. :D
Reply
:iconmemnalar:
Memnalar Featured By Owner Mar 8, 2013
The narrator could be a friend or a loved one or a parent who has passed away. It could be God. It could be a fleeting ideal. I like that it's up to me.
Reply
:iconjustmango:
justMANGO Featured By Owner Mar 8, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
And I'm glad that you enjoyed this. Thank you for the fave. :hug:
Reply
:icondully101:
dully101 Featured By Owner Jan 4, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
:la: So beeeeeeeutiful!
Reply
:iconjustmango:
justMANGO Featured By Owner Jan 4, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
:D
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:icondully101:
dully101 Featured By Owner Jan 4, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
:P
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:iconastrikos:
Astrikos Featured By Owner Dec 4, 2012   General Artist
You have been featured here

:tighthug:
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:iconjustmango:
justMANGO Featured By Owner Dec 4, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Oh how nice of you. Thanks! :hug:
Reply
:iconastrikos:
Astrikos Featured By Owner Dec 4, 2012   General Artist
:heart:
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:iconastrikos:
Astrikos Featured By Owner Nov 12, 2012   General Artist
:heart:
Wonderful piece!
I love the thoughts and depth of this!
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:iconjustmango:
justMANGO Featured By Owner Nov 12, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Awww thanks! :hug:
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:iconastrikos:
Astrikos Featured By Owner Nov 13, 2012   General Artist
:hug:
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:iconanaios:
anaios Featured By Owner Nov 12, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
what can I say, it is so touching, and your voice was so soothing with wise accents :heart: I loved it!
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:iconjustmango:
justMANGO Featured By Owner Nov 12, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I'm glad you did. :love:
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:iconsansnoir:
SansNoir Featured By Owner Nov 10, 2012  Student Digital Artist
;____________; THAT WAS SO BEAUTIFUL...
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:iconjustmango:
justMANGO Featured By Owner Nov 10, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
lol, it was so beautiful? I'm sure it still is. XD

Kidding, kidding. Thanks though!
Reply
:iconsansnoir:
SansNoir Featured By Owner Nov 10, 2012  Student Digital Artist
PFFFFFFFFFFFT. You're quite welcome. :meow:
Reply
:iconrozara:
Rozara Featured By Owner Nov 10, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I would just love to say, I like this! If you want some feedback, please reply because I have some pointers I would like to give to you. ^.^ (Just in case you want some critique.)
Reply
:iconjustmango:
justMANGO Featured By Owner Nov 10, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I would love some feedback. :D Don't we all? I turned critiques on if you want to write one. (No pressure. =P)
Reply
:iconrozara:
Rozara Featured By Owner Nov 10, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Ahh! Feeling the pressure! ^.^

I don't think I can pull off a full critique, but I would love to give feedback. =)

Aha ... I think you have already fixed the one grammatical error I found. I like the idea of it all, and the entire piece is very beautiful. To grow as a writer, I encourage you to attempt to write as showing, not telling. But how, you may ask? I will tell you some tips:

First off, get rid of helping verbs/passive actions. There is a specific word list for that:
am
are
is
was
were
been
be

If you can get rid of those, it will elaborate on your imagery and overall will make the reader feel more like they are experiencing the writing and not just reading it. It's a really nice piece, and I like it! And those words are really the WORST to get rid of, but when you do you will magnify it's awesomeness TENFOLD!!!
Reply
:iconjustmango:
justMANGO Featured By Owner Nov 10, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Yea, I made a few minor changes between this post and the last. =P

Showing not telling is a really good advice that I work hard to follow (most of the time), but this one was just a fleeting thought that I wrote in under 10 mins so it didn't get the attention I would've given full-blown stories. That said, I was also sort of aiming for the humble and conversational tone when I wrote it.

But thanks! :D It's great advice!
Reply
:iconrozara:
Rozara Featured By Owner Nov 10, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
No, it was really great! Keep it short and simple is a good game plan. And no problem, you're awesome!!
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:iconjustmango:
justMANGO Featured By Owner Nov 10, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
And as are you. :hug:
Reply
:iconrozara:
Rozara Featured By Owner Nov 10, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
^.^ Thanks! :happybounce:
Reply
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